Don't be fooled by the pictures of happy children, smiling and laughing. Making the transition to two has been an adjustment. I think the transition to three will be easier. (Just making sure you're paying attention when you read.) It's had its challenges. I haven't always been the patient Mama I'd like to be. Sometimes I have to retreat to my inner happy place when I have two crying kids. Ansley hasn't always been the sweet, protective big sister that I'd like for her to be. I still struggle to find the balance between giving each some one on one attention during the day, making sure I play with Ansley and coo at Christian equally.
I've come a long way from almost 4 months ago when I would cry every time I had to get onto Ansley for something. Initially I felt a lot of guilt, for not spending enough time with Ansley, for not spending enough time with Christian, for not spending enough time with John; for not getting things done around the house, having piles of laundry, not having meals fixed. But then I got over it....er, I mean, found balance to work all those things into my day. Ok, most of those things in my day. Ok, some of them, if you must know! I'm not super woman. ;) I still don't ever leave Christian alone with Ansley, which means every time I do anything....go to the bathroom, get the mail, walk upstairs, walk downstairs.....I have to take one of them with me. But that will change as they get older, I'm sure.
I should have said that I have no pictures to post today, so if you're here just for the pictures, you can come back tomorrow. ;) We were out running errands this morning, so I didn't get around to pictures.
Ahhh, running errands. It actually goes quite well these days, but in the beginning it was enough to strike fear in my heart and leave me stammering "nope, I don't really need to go anywhere until the weekend when I can leave them at home with John." But time, just like with everything else, has been on my side and made this easier. For me, it works best to put Christian in the Bjorn (the car seat + him is ridiculously heavy; plus keeps him from fussing because what's there to fuss about? he's being held) and have Ansley in either a car shopping cart (Kroger) or the red hop-in-or-out kind (Target). So, as long as you can carry on a non-stop conversation with a three year old, focus on your list, price shop and manuever the limosine-size shopping cart around aisles and avoid running into the toothpaste display while somehow paying no attention to the excruciating pain in your back because you aren't used to that much weight hanging from your stomach, then errands are no problem.
I would like to say that I think people really need to start thinking about moms with multiple kids, and making drive thru's for everything. Need some milk and bread? The grocery store drive through, for, say 10 items and under. Have some packages that need to be mailed? The post office drive through - never again schlep a child, carry a car seat plus balance 3 packages on your head while making sure your 3 year old isn't running through the parking lot, only to be greeted by a line as long as the Nile. (Maybe I'm a little bitter since I was just there this morning). Just some food for thought.
I love the quote on the sidebar that I came across. I think it's very wise. I think a lot of moms are hesitant, or afraid, to admit that motherhood is challenging, demanding, all-consuming, frustrating. It exposes my inherent selfishness more than anything else. Sometimes I just want to do what *I* want to do. But the more I realize that every mom feels this way, unless she's lying or is not human, the better I feel. It's not just me. Motherhood is just that way sometimes.
There are days that are very difficult, that by the end of the day I'm exhausted, physically and mentally. There are days that are really good - where I feel like I've been patient, had playtime with both of them, we've eaten healthy, been outside, visited friends. And honestly, most days are those kind of days. Most days, I think we've all transitioned really well, and I'm getting balance and we're finding our way. Most days, we can have fun running errands. Most days, Ansley has quiet time in the afternoon and Christian naps, and I am back in that happy place.
And every day, no matter what's going on around me, I'm so very thankful for my amazing husband. For my wonderful children that God has blessed me with. And come laughter or tears, I can't imagine anything more rewarding, more challenging, or more fulfilling, than having the privilege of being the one they call 'Mama'.
