waiting

The waiting is agonizing. Waiting, just waiting...for my Dad to die. Knowing it's coming, not knowing when. Waiting.

It's horrible. It's devastating. It's indescribable. My Dad is restless, which makes it exhausting. We are up in the night helping my Mom, helping him, giving him medicine. It is taking its toll on all of us, particularly my Mom. She just needs rest. We pray for rest.

Some good friends of my parents from Greenville are here, which has been wonderful. They truly have servants hearts, and have been fantastic. My in-laws came up to take the kids for us so we can all have a little down time, which has been good for all of us.

This morning, I was trying to pray; my heart is heavy, anxious, quickly beating, and I had no words. Nothing would come except tears, crying out to God, knowing that He knows even when I can't speak. And then this song came to my mind instantly:

I'm finding myself at a loss for words, and the funny thing is it's ok. The last thing I need is to be heard, but in the quiet to hear your voice speak. Word of God speak, would you pour down like rain, causing my eyes to see Your majesty. To be still and know that you're in this place. Please let me stay and rest in your holiness, Word of God speak.

Thank you, God, for reminding me that You know what we need even before we speak it, even if we can't speak it, and for letting us know that You are here. You are with us in this house, even as my Dad is dying, giving us comfort and rest. What an awesome God we serve.

*******

I am going to compile a memory book of memories of my Dad. Anyone who wants to contribute, please either email me or click on the comments below and share with all of us. Either way is fine. I will print them out and put them in a book so we will have them to cherish in the months and years to come. Some of you are already doing this, and we thank you. We have laughed and cried over the memories you have of my Dad. The common thread that runs through all of them is how proud he was of his family, how often and happily he spoke of all of us. He loves us; of that we are confident. And, oh, how we love him!

Comments

[ashley]

we are still curently in Texas but still praying for you and thinking of you constantly. Thanks for all the updates!

[Joanna]

Thinking of you, Megan.

[Beth]

Thanks for the update. I'm checking your blog every half hour it seems. Waiting here, too. And praying.
Know that God is working, even now, in you Dad's heart of hearts, ministering, preparing. And strengthening you all for these days.
endure, dear family.

[Christina]

God so hears those groans of your heart... that deep down need to just be present with Him, to allow Him to carry you through the darkest moments.

You are in our constant thoughts, our hearts, and our prayers.

[Liz]

Thank you for updating us. I'm praying for your comfort and rest. Keep on trusting, I know God is listening to you.

[christy bonfiacio]

Praying for you and your family Megan...

Christy

[Helen Berry]

Megan, just wanted to let you know that we, too, are praying for you and your family. Thanks for all the updates. I cannot even imagine how much you and your family are enduring, suffering, groaning through this time. In all of this, I'm amazed and inspired by your words and your thoughts, that you are crying out to God and still are entrusting everything to Him, and knowing that He continues to be your all in all. I was reading back in my journal and had written these words by Mother Teresa "Suffering is a gift of God, a gift that makes us more Christlike..."
The other night we were up at Dan and Nancy's, and they had pulled out an old beach video of your fam, and laughing and remembering of the time with you all, with Randy, during those beach vacations at Emerald Isle.
Know that we're praying for the whole family...

[Renee]

I'm praying during your waiting - and sometimes it's in the middle of the night when God brings you to my mind and heart while I'm up with little Lydia - maybe it's when you are up with your dad.

[Sarah Minges]

Megan & Family,

My prayers go up for you and your family continuously. I am thankful you can be there with your Mom and Dad, as this brings unspeakable comfort to them both. I understand the agony in waiting as my family experienced this as my grandmother recently waited to go to heaven. God hears your heart and loves each and every one of you. I so appreciate your willingness to share with all of us through the pain and the tears. With my grandmother even though she was unable to speak, she could still hear us, so be comforted to know that your Dad knows you are all there and he loves you SOOOO much it is hard for him to leave. He and God will know the moment, rest in the peace that when Jesus takes his hand his earthly pain will be healed and he will be at peace.
With love and prayers,
Sarah M.

[Christy Guthrie :)]

Megan - you and your family are in our constant prayers. I am a friend of Robin Miles and through her and your amazing blog, I've been aware of all that's been going on. You are an inspiration to me - your faith is so encouraging and such a testament to God's awesome love of us all.