Letter to You

Dear Ansley,

I am done. I give up. No, not on you, not ever on you. But I'm done with trying to reign in your friendliness, as if it's something that should be excused or explained. I'm done trying to shush you and make you stop talking to strangers just because it makes me uncomfortable, or, heaven forbid, makes THEM uncomfortable. I'm done with all of it. What's wrong with letting you be you?

Perhaps I should back up a bit. Ansley, you are the friendliest child I have ever known. Granted, I don't know tons of children, but I'd say it's a safe bet to say you are among the friendliest of the four-year olds or five-year olds or humans in general. EVERYWHERE we go you are talking to someone. You are shouting "Hiiiiii!" across the food court (nope, I'm not even exaggerating) because someone has captured your attention. You are saying "Hi! I'm Ansley!" as we walk across the Kroger parking lot. You blurt out a "Helloooo!" from the driveway as people walk by our house. You are not picky - you speak to children and grown-ups alike. If someone catches your attention, then you will speak to them, and expect that they speak back (oh, the horror!). And you will not let go until they have acknowledged you. And, for the record, acknowledgement does not mean saying 'hi.' Acknowledgement, to you, means making eye contact with you, listening to you, and then telling you their name, age, birthday, favorite color, what they ate for lunch and the last movie they saw. Or something similarly long and drawn out - conversation with a stranger always seems long and drawn out to me. But not to you. You seem to thrive on it. It's funny to me how you can make someone instantly smile with delight over your friendliness, or stare back open-mouthed, making me do a double take to see if you have, in fact, grown two heads. I'm always amazed at people's responses, either friendly or just outright rude. And now I'm done with the excuses - the "oh, we don't get out much" while I steer you away, or "If you think she's friendly, you should have met her PopPop!" while I distract you with lunch. When did the world get to be so unfriendly?

But now, like I said, I'm done. I'm not holding you back, making excuses anymore. If you want to talk to someone, by all means talk to them, and is it too much to ask to speak back to a FOUR YEAR OLD? Why in the world someone would ignore "Hi! I'm Ansley! I'm four and a half. My birthday is in September and then I'll be FIVE! What's your name?" is beyond me. I feel confident these are the same people who dislike rainbows, and flowers, and things that sparkle. I also think the world would be a better place with more people like you, Ansley. You make me smile and laugh and act silly. You make others smile and laugh, and people tell me all the time that you are so sweet, or polite or friendly. Or that you talk a lot, but we'll focus on the polite and friendly part.

So I've spent two and a half years trying to make you be more like... well, me. And I'm sorry for that. I'm trying to make you be something that you are not, simply because I perceive that someone else is uncomfortable, and I know this is sometimes the case based on the looks I get. But from now on, if you speak to someone and they don't speak back, I'll be prepared. Because I always know what's coming.

"Mama, why are they not talking to me?"

And I'll say "Ansley, some people are just not as friendly as you are. But I bet we can find someone just as friendly as you!"

And we'll move on. No excuses, no apologies, no half-smiles, wondering what they are thinking of you, or me, no embarrassment because you just will not be silent.

Besides, just think how much fun it would be to walk up to someone and say "Hi! I'm Megan. I'm thirty-two, but after my birthday in August I'll be THIRTY-THREE! What's your name?" Maybe I'll try it some day, but only with your encouragement.

Talk on, my sweet girl. I will always be here to listen.

Love,

Mama

Comments

[Sara]

I love this post, only because I can relate so very much. Kaitlyn is so much like that. She gets sad sometimes, and says "Mommy - what's wrong with them? Can't they hear me?" I encourage her all the time and tell her I love how friendly she is because I don't ever want her to lose that part of her personality. It's so precious!

[MiMi]

Well, we know who she gets that from, right? Think of all the people she makes happy with her chatter, and if there are some people that are not affected by it, it is their loss. I think it is delightful and I'm always happy to be walking next to a friendly, happy greeter!

[Ashley]

So fun!! And those pictures are quite fun too. I love swing pictures!! And, those people that don't talk to her are the same people that don't hold the door for moms pushing strollers, that honk when you slow down at a yellow light, or that are voting for Hillary/Obama craziness! (Sorry to be political!)

[Liz]

Ah! I love this! I have to tell you that I was this very way. My Mom always said I never knew a stranger - it didn't matter to me what color, age or gender - I talked to them. It has never steered me wrong as a teen or adult either, I'll add. I've had my share of "talking too much" moments, but overall I think I'm a happy person for all the personal connections I make with people on a daily basis. I love that Ansley is different from you, too... isn't that what it's all about? You teaching them when really they're teaching you. :)

[Candace]

Megan, I love this entry too. Though, as you know, my girls are so SHY. They don't speak back...not because they don't want to, but because of their shy-ness. I can see a glimpse of how you feel as a mother, because I, too, feel like I try and make excuses for them and am not just letting them be themselves. I struggle with this. I want them to be respectful and answer back. I want them to speak when spoken to. But they don't always. They have to really, really get to know someone first. I don't like it, but I'm trying to accept it. I have also been known to hope they will grow out of it...but maybe that is wrong too. I should be content with who God has made them to be. Oh, and I do have one a little more like Ansley...Caleb is our family talker, clown and ham. He talks and talks about the cutest things.

[christina]

Hey Megan... finally catching up on your blog... I feel like I've been missing out on your life this week! This entry really touched me. Made me think. You are so honest, and it is so true... Alex too, is quick to talk to any and everyone around. It is amazing that as children they perceive all people the same -- missing age, gender, non verbal cues. I am constantly pulling him away and whispering to him to come along and hush... because I am not always comfortable with the conversations he tries to start... because it is a stretch for me to want to engage with these unfriendly people in the way that he does. But, from now on I will try to embrace this side of Alex that has always baffled me. Thank you for opening my eyes :)

[Renee]

Megan, thanks for sharing this precious letter to Ansley. I need to be reminded to let my daughters be who God has made them to be. They are very different from each other and very like me in some ways and not like me in others. Thanks for the reminder to try to understand them and enjoy who God is growing them into instead of trying to change what doesn't need to be changed.

[Desta]

Diddo to Candace's comment! I equally am constantly making excuses to strangers for how shy and quiet Paige is, and why she rarely responds back when anyone asks her anything, even with people she knows. I've always said I don't want her to grow up being as painfully shy as I have always been, but maybe that's wrong. Like you said, I need to accept that is how God made me, and how He's made her too so far, and that's okay! I turned out just fine I think :)