It's hard to believe it has been 6 months since my Dad first saw Jesus. I wonder what the past six months have been like for him? Has it seemed like six months, or does it seem like he's always been in Heaven? Does he remember us? And if he does, it wouldn't fit that he would be in Heaven and be sad, so that's confusing. Can my Dad chat with his Mom and Dad, or, say, Abraham Lincoln? Hmmmm.
So much has changed in six months.
The kids have gotten older. I have gotten older.
John has lost his job. And gotten a new one.
Jonathan and Missy have had a new home built. And moved into it.
I wouldn't say time has healed. I don't feel healed.
I would say time just moves on, and forces you to come with it.
When I get my hair done, or a new outfit, I still wait to hear my Dad say 'that looks great!'
I feel more and more that the things I worry and stress about the most are just not worth it.
And so I'm learning to just let go. What does it matter?
I spend more time with Him.
My Mom has met some great friends and gotten involved in a great support group.
So much hasn't changed.
I'm still sad. There are so many times I still think 'Oh, I need to tell Dad that!' Still.
I can't talk about my Dad, or remember a story, or think of him, without crying.
I still have regrets, things I wish I had done or said differently.
There are days I struggle. Really struggle.
I have a lot of questions. Mostly unanswered.
But I'm okay with that.
I have a lot of random (sometimes crazy) thoughts. On Heaven.
I am always, always, more than ever, depending on my God to get me through, to give me hope.
And He does.
Praise God that some things never change!
"I am God - yes, I Am. I haven't changed." Malachi 3:6
As inspiring as always! Great post.
Posted by: Liz | May 07, 2008 at 08:50 PM
beautiful! Miss you.
Posted by: kimberly | May 08, 2008 at 10:41 PM
You have such a way of expressing yourself that brings glory to the Lord. Thanks for the reminder that He is unchangeable.
Posted by: Renee | May 13, 2008 at 11:15 PM