I don't know what to tell you if you're being attacked by a bear. Couldn't help you start a fire if you're stranded in the wilderness if my life depended on it. Haven't a clue what berries are not poisonous. But I CAN help you if you find yourself alone with two small children for a long period of time. (In my case, I define "long" as greater than 5 days, but it could be anywhere from one hour to ten days.)
If you are in this season of life, where you are the Mom of a young child, or two or five, then you can probably relate. It's hard to go it alone. If you are older, perhaps you can think back and remember those days when your children were young. And if you don't have kids, you can think about how you might defend yourself against a bear while you pretend to read this (and then let me know! I've always wondered.)
After my Mom left on Tuesday, I was feeling a little stressed and overwhelmed about the rest of the week. I immediately started praying for God to give me strength to get through the week, because I knew I couldn't do it alone. But as I prayed, I started to realize what I was saying...to GET THROUGH the week. In other words, to survive until John came home. But that is NOT what I want my mothering to be, I realized sadly. I don't want to get through, get past it, make it til Friday, til vacation, til Christian is two - I want to find JOY in my role as a Mom, I want to ENJOY my kids, to CHERISH the moments we have, to laugh and dance and run naked down the hallway (that last one is kids only, just to clarify). That sounds a lot different than just surviving, doesn't it? And so on Tuesday night, my prayers changed. Instead of asking God to get me through the week, I asked for him to show me how to have joy, to reveal to me the precious hearts of my children, to show me new and fun ways to relate to my children, to have fun with them, to thrive in my role, this once-in-a-lifetime role, as the Mom of Ansley and Christian.
And did God answer my prayers? Absolutely. And you know what? Even when John is home, I don't want to just survive the week; I want to find this joy, this connection with my children, every week, no matter the circumstances, no matter what comes my way.
So, here is my Survival 101. Except I think I'm renaming it to Finding the Joy 101.
Splurge on something new. It doesn't have to be expensive, and the newness just has to last for a week or so, then you can put it away and bring it out later, when it'll be new again. On Tuesday evening, I was at a friend's house, and they had the Aqua Doodle color mat. And it hit me, WHY have I not thought of this before, with my carlo obsessed boy? So on Wednesday, we were at Target first thing, purchasing the Aqua Doodle. This was the best purchase of the week, perhaps of all my adult life. My tip: It only comes with one marker (whose crazy packaging idea was that?) so I bought an additional two-pack so both my kids can use it (well, and me. It is fun!) This has seriously kept my kids SO occupied this week. It has perhaps increased the number of times "carlo" is said in this house from 100 to 400, but that's okay. It was worth it!
Rediscover your friend the tv. I am not a big fan of tv for my kids, and it rarely comes on in our house. But on this evening, I turned on Sesame Street for 20 minutes (and yes, there were suckers involved, too - it may have been overkill) and I prepared dinner in a calm oasis of bliss. There was no screaming or pulling at my shorts, no "I'm hunnnnnnnnnnnngryyyy" or tripping over small children as I cook. They were mesmerized and it brought a usually stressful time of day under control. My tip: the sucker wasn't necessary. I thought Christian wouldn't be interested in watching tv so I added the sucker, but the tv was totally all that was needed.
Find some time to get out of the house and have fun. Ansley calls these adventures; I call them sanity savers. Even if it's by yourself, get out and explore, but even better with a friend. Today we explored downtown Knoxville with my friend Rachel and her kids Jackson and Julia. The kids had a great time playing and running and...there was some eating involved. Some GOOD eating at a place I'd never been to called Sunspot - YUM. My tip: Explore an area of your city that you have never been to. Uncovering cool things (like we did, such as a FUN playground and a cool candy shop), make it even more exciting!
Take something that is usually stressful and chaotic (in our case, bathtime by myself) and find a way to make it fun. I filled our big Jacuzzi tub with bubbles and let the kids bathe in there. But the best part for them? I got my bathing suit on and hopped in with them! I was able to clean both of them with no fussing, and we were able to play at the same time. My kids enjoyed this so much, we all spent 45 minutes here unwinding from our day! My tip: Play the "will it float or sink" game in the tub. This kept them so enthralled, they never wanted to get out. And Ansley kept wanting to find more objects for the game!
Make a special memory by doing something TOTALLY out of character or off-the-wall crazy that will just delight your child(ren). For me, this was allowing Ansley to sleep in my bed tonight. We have never done this before, but I feel she is old enough to know that it's a special privilege for one night and be thrilled by it. I was right; she was ecstatic. She danced around the room, jumped up in our bed and was grinning from ear to ear. Something SO simple (we have a king size bed so I will hardly notice that little girl is there!) that brought SO much joy. My tip: Make it a surprise by not even telling her about it until bedtime. Ansley had no idea until I moved her pillow and blanket to our bed. When she discovered what was going on, she was BEYOND happy!
Tonight as I was putting Ansley to bed, she told me "Mommy, I am very excited for Daddy to come home, but I have had so much FUN with you this week!"
It brought tears to my eyes, because I realized that God had allowed me to do so much more than just "make it through" the week. He has blessed me with patience and fun ideas and joy. And that is what I want my children to remember of their childhood - the time Christian spilled half a box of Rice Krispies all over the floor and Mom just laughed, the time we danced so long and hard to "Last Dollar" we all fell on the floor, exhausted but laughing, the time we pretended the bathtub was a boat and we were lost at sea and oh no! there's a white shark named Kota, the time.....
Well, you fill in the blank with some special memories with your children.