On the Life of Kota

If you know me well, then you probably know that I absolutely loved and was devoted to my cat, Kota. If you are just a casual observer (I don't even know what this means) then you may not have known that. And it's possible that I have downplayed the love that I have for her so as not to be seen as freakish. But since I made the gut-wrenching decision to put her down on March 28, I'm letting my freak show. I LOVED that cat. Not just a casual oh-yea-she's-my-cat kinda love, but a deep-down, deeply devoted I- love-that-cat kinda love.

When I met John, he already had a dog, and I really wanted a cat. So about two weeks after we got married, I called around and walked into a veterinarian's office one day, and there was this spunky white kitty that was laying on the counter amidst dogs barking all around her. Since we knew she had to get along with a dog, I knew she was the one. On our honeymoon, we went horseback riding and my horse's name was Dakota. I decided on our honeymoon that that would be the name of our cat. However, since Kota was a girl, I shortened it to Kota because I thought it sounded more girlie than Dakota.

That was almost 17 years ago, and it's really incredible how many memories are tied to one animal. She has been through every move (four total), and lived six years with no kids, and then almost 11 years with me as a stay at home mom. Especially since being a stay at home mom, she was a constant presence in my life. Kota was more of a one person cat, and I was pretty much her person. She loved me, and I loved her, and that was enough for both of us. She was very social, and wanted to be wherever we were. She followed us around the house - laying on school papers while we were at the table and following us up to the playroom when it was breaktime She hardly ever - and never that I can even recall - would be somewhere different than we were. She loved to curl up in my lap and would purr and purr. As Ansley got older and learned how to interact with her, she would often curl up in Ansley's lap as well.

She loved laying in the sunshine, as well as on the screened in porch. She had favorite spots around the house that make me and Ansley sad to see now. If I see something white out of the corner of my eye, I think it's her. For 17 years, I have watched her in our various homes, interacted with her, loved on her, and played with her. That is a long time! I think part of what I struggle with too is just how quickly time is passing, when I don't want it to. I can hardly believe that she has been around almost half of my life, and pretty much my entire adult life. My goodness, that's a lot of life lived together. I'm with Boyz 2 Men, it is very hard to say goodbye to yesterday. And when I think of getting another cat, that means I would be 55 in the same amount of time! That's crazy.

Some people lose some love for their pets after having kids, but that was not the case for me. I loved her before having kids, and I loved her just as much after. She was just a part of our family. She was so much a part of our daily routine - feeding her, petting her, the kids petting her, playing with her, finding cozy spots for her, making sure she didn't get outside, looking for her, loving on her. If I sat down for a minute and she jumped up on my lap, I wouldn't get up because I felt bad. She loved to lay in front of the fridge (because of the heat at the bottom) and if I needed something out of it and she was there, I wouldn't get it because I didn't want to make her move. I know. I don't know where this gene came from, but I can't help it. It is how God made me, and it's who I am. I just love cats, and especially mine. She was mine. It has been REALLY hard on me to say goodbye after so many years together. I'm pretty sure you either have the pet gene or you don't. Some of you reading this may be nodding your heads, and some of you are thinking that I'm completely ridiculous. But I'm telling you, it's seriously how I was made. I can't not be this way. I like to think that when I devote myself to something, I'm all in. My husband, my kids, my friends, my pets, homeschool, baking....that's just the way I am. And I rationalize that that's much better than only giving part of yourself. And it hurts to love something that way and then lose it, but it's the only way I know how to live.

I'm pretty sure I have passed this gene on to Ansley.

Kota had a pretty healthy life, with only a few major instances (eating lilies and getting a virus) but in November she stopped eating for about a week. This is not normal for cats, but especially Kota because she loved food. She was always waiting by the fridge and had this little chirp that she would do when you would come walking around the corner. It was so cute. Needless to say, the past four months have been extremely stressful on me, although I probably hid it well to most people, because again, I didn't want to let my freak show. It was very emotional, not really knowing what was going on and what would happen. In the end, it was narrowed down to one of two things, but she wouldn't eat and had gotten so thin and I could tell she was uncomfortable, so I knew it was time. I cried. And cried. And cried some more. I just couldn't fathom saying goodbye to my constant companion in my entire married life. It was heartbreaking. The vet came to our home, and Kota laid on my lap and it was very peaceful. I bawled my eyes out the entire day. Could not stop. Incredible sadness and a heavy heart. She was my first pet. I mean, I had cats when I was growing up, but they weren't mine. Kota was mine, and the loss has been real and personal and painful.

 

In the end, I wouldn't trade the pain for the seventeen years of memories. I have always loved the quote "Until one loves an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." Having a cat for me brings such joy, happiness, companionship and laughter that I just couldn't imagine life without one. I will always remember my sweet Kota - Kota Bagota, Moosie, Luna - as my sweet, devoted, loving first cat. And I can't forget that. I have practically a half-a-lifetime of memories wrapped up in her. A part of me is sad to move on without her.

My soul has been awakened.

Comments

[Renee McGill]

Beautifully written, Megan, and wonderful photos of Kota. I know the hurt after saying goodbye to our Jonah after 15 years of loving him. Praying for you!

[Brandi]

I'm so sorry! I remember when I was at your house, she was sick, and I could sense your concern for her. Pets love us in a way people really can't. I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye to her. I'm glad she had such a long, happy life with you.

[Amber]

Beautiful. And I am so sorry for your loss. I had to put down a kitty at age 10 that I got when I was 3. I had no memories before getting my cat - it was a monumental moment, just like Kota was with your newly wed stage. It is a true loss, and I'm sorry for your broken heart. But, I'm glad you had 17 wonderful years with her. :)